I’m redoing everything. I’ll be back soon.


So Far In 2016.

– I’ve realized that when you let people go out of your life, new people or friends who return to your life CAN take that person’s place, and that is totally okay.

– The stretch marks that I have – new and old – do not define how much ‘more’ or ‘less’ of a woman I am.

– My face moisturizing and cleanser only work real well when I use it every to every other day. Not spacing it apart for days like I used to.

– People are going to absolutely hate you for whatever reason that you either give to them, or they just come up with it themselves. Either way, it’s not your problem. Move on. Don’t give a fuck.

– Losing weight is going to be a challenge, but that’s okay, because challenging yourself makes you a stronger, wiser person.

– Even after having differences/issues and losing touch with one of your best friends a few years ago, they can come back into your life, apologies are made and everything is back to the way it was before, only you two are a bit more grown up and less stupid about shit that doesn’t matter 😛

– Learning to draw on a tablet is not as easy as people make it seem. If they tell you it’s super easy, they’re lying, for real. It’s not anything like I’ve ever tried to draw on, and it’s definitely far different than drawing from a pad of paper with a pencil.

– Smile more. It’s contagious and it’s beautiful.

– Don’t be so down on yourself. You’re so much better than to pick yourself apart like you used to daily, and plus, there could be someone looking up to you. Be a good example, be a great example, be a fucking leader that someone will appreciate and love ❤

– Loud music is better to blog to.

– Loud music is better to game to.

– Loud music is better to draw to.

– JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE NICE TO PEOPLE DOESN'T MEAN IT'S FLIRTING. No matter how many times you try and make it clear to people, it won't necessarily sink in. Move on.

– I've realized even if you're sitting at your desk (or whatever your work space may be) in front of your computer, I can do crunches from where I sit any time I want or need to. And that's fucking awesome.

– I can still love myself but have depression, borderline personality disorder, anxiety and ptsd. Mental illness does not define me, and it definitely doesn't measure out how much I love or don't love myself. People who say that you can't love yourself when you have mental illnesses are the fucked up ones. You are not.

– I've realized that I love myself enough to want to lose weight. To be healthy, and to fit back into the clothes that I can't anymore.

– My ex is an asshole and I need to not feel bad for him because of what he put me through.

– And I will not feel guilty about breaking up with him, not even if people try and make me feel bad. I did it for my own mental state, not for any other reason. When you're fed up, move the fuck on, man.

That's all I can think of for now 🙂 Have a great day, everybodayyy!

I Can’t Title.

So, whenever I try to make a blog post, I’ve been stopping suddenly, saving it as a draft and running off of here to do something else completely different because I feel like I’m being dragged off in every other direction. I hate feeling so scatter brained, and I need to get a hold of this real soon :\ Merp.

So, I have a list of what I’ve been up to, what I want to accomplish, and a list of things that have been legit stressing me out.

– Listening to a lot more Twiztid. I’m back. I don’t care who doesn’t ‘approve’.
– Severing ties with people who are not important and not beneficial to my improved life. I’ve learned over time that it’s okay to cut people out of your life if they’re a negative influence, and I’m loving that I’m finally taking this super important step for myself. I deserve this. I don’t need that kind of crap in my life anymore.

– Streaming gaming (World of Warcraft, Hearthstone, and eventually Heroes of the Storm) and creativity (doodling and practicing on my tablet).
– Welcoming back and getting back in touch with old friends and/or mending pasts with people I lost touch with for whatever reason = awesomeness.
– Procrastinating on things.
– Sleeping a lot.

– Losing track of time.

– I need to check my emails more often, like every day often again like I was a few weeks ago.
– I need to make up a schedule for the days/hours I’m going to be streaming… and setting myself on a schedule MAY BE more likely to happen when I move out. So that’s for the future, but to keep in mind.
– Update my planner every day.
– Keep moving forward and when life kicks me down, get the fuck back up and keep pushing onward.
– Get better at Hearthstone LOLOLOL YA RIGHT

– Take my meds at an appropriate time at night, and not super late because I’ll end up waking up late morning, rather than earlier like I would want to.
– Work on sigtags and deliver those to people who have requested them.
– Blog more publicly and more often. I didn’t make this blog for nothing, ffs.

– Living with my mom and step-dad is not as easy as I thought it would be. I thought I’d be able to lose weight in a healthy manner, but it’s not working out that way. Whenever I buy food, I feel like I have to hide it elsewhere than the kitchen, and not even in the downstairs fridge in the basement. If my step-dad gets a hold of anything anyone buys to eat, and he likes it, he’ll eat it, and he doesn’t give a fuck who’s it is. I’ve lost about 10 lbs since I moved here, which isn’t enough for me, but it’s a start. It sucks trying to lose weight and eat better when you’re living with someone who has zero respect for boundaries and things that aren’t theirs.
– It’s also stressful that I’m almost constantly asked about the SSI I applied for, as well as where and when I’ll be moving. My mom knows I can’t just up and leave to go either to my brothers’ apartment and move in, or my other alternative choice that I really don’t want to pick (and I really don’t want to talk about it right now or right here).